Requiem - a past I once knew

I’m so pissed off right now. Today I hid away in the confines of safety I wasn’t ready to face the day and face uncomfortable obligation. For once I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go out and face my problem. I wasn’t ready. I was so scared, so uncomfortable and so empty. People, they find me so flawless and intimidating but really no one ever sees how much I cry. Why must I incessantly lament for a complication in which I play little involvement? There was once a time, not so long ago when I found a math problem the most confusing problem I could ever encounter and now I discover there are worse things than miscalculations…

Misunderstanding. The absolute epitome of confusion. My problems and obstacles are all surrounded by the idea of assumption and misunderstanding. It’s confusing, annoying and frustrating. At this point in time I expected to feel relief and liberation. Instead I am feeling cold and empty. Hitherto life contained the usual joys and sorrows one succeeding the other however at this moment in time sorrows unilaterally rule my dispositions and I am tired of it. Why must I always take everything to heart? Why must I always care to the extents of my limits? I continually realize and continually forget that one must accept the good together with the bad. Yet. Though I receive many blessings my corrupted mind continually is filled with insecurities and I always focus my energies on life’s negativity and problems.

At times I wish I could feel apathetic. And at times I harbor this insatiable need to mend wounds and solve complications. Yet I can never fix my own. I may sound self-indulgent or conceited but I wish I could be alone. That way you can’t get hurt. The only thing you will feel is emptiness and then you won’t have to care about anything because nobody cares about you. What a corrupted request. I just feel so vexed and I’m tired of caring.

Worries fill my mind and I can’t do anything about them. I am trapped like a helpless prisoner inside the problems that cross my mind.

Distraction is my temporary freedom.

images are courtesy of Crimson Shade.