Extreme, deep and utter disappointment

Vexed. Extremely vexed. (Extention on the third 'e' and then you'll get my point). Awards Ceremony today, and I feel completely neutral about the actual event, it's just what happened within that certain event that has caused my extreme and unshakeable annoyance. Ok first place English, first place, elective history, second place science, all well deserved. I'm content with that. However - A certain subject X, whose name I shall not mention, was SUPPOSED to be mine. It had my name written on that first place award since the beginning of this year. I expected it to go to me, I worked my ass off for it to go to me, it was imperative that I claimed ownership of that award!! But no, it was awarded to a fellow student and I'm happy for that person. Sincerely I am happy, although there may be a touch of spite in my voice as I read this aloud I'm actually still experiencing a unique and overwhelming blend of shock and pathetic denial. I was also hoping for first place in religion but, no, just no. It had to go to super queen, leige and master of all academic fields that she so superfluously lords over with her blatant and nagging intelligence. I'll decidedly name her person y. True I considered her my equal and yet she received double of what I received all wrapped up in a nice, neat package filled with pride, 'yahoos,' whistles and a thundering applause. While I with my measly two first places and one second place had to accept that the meagre and pathetic clap from about six people would suffice. Six people clapping amidst a large hall full of silence sounds like shit. So today has just confirmed, I am a nobody fading out of the fringes of my reputation and being ansorbed by the cold and long winter that is 'average.' But I promise you by God and by my life I will work harder than ever next year, next year shall be time for retribution! It will be my event, I don't care what I must sacrifice! It will be my calling and reward. I will work, study and achieve beyond my capacity, I will raise the bar and I will achieve. My dreams of becoming dux have not failed yet, although still highly unprobable with person y occupying the spotlight, I can and will achieve my goals. I will and I know I can. It will be difficult but I will push, fight and try, I've come to far and I've worked too long and hard to back down yet. Just you see. Just you wait...